Being told by your partner that they want a divorce or separation can be devastating. It’s normal to feel a range of emotions and while it’s important to acknowledge and process these feelings, remember that making clear-headed decisions now can safeguard your interests and your family’s future. Our Family Law team, outlines key steps to help you through this difficult time.
Take Time to Process and Understand Your Legal Position
Try to avoid making any hasty decisions in the heat of the moment. A clear mind will help you make better choices for yourself, and any children involved. Understanding your situation is crucial. The steps you take may differ slightly depending on whether you are married or cohabiting with your partner. If you are married (or in a civil partnership), a formal divorce or dissolution process will be needed to legally end the relationship. Under England and Wales law, you must have been married for at least one year before you can file for divorce. If you are cohabiting (unmarried), there is no formal divorce paperwork; however, you’ll still need to resolve many of the same issues (like splitting finances and deciding on child arrangements). Be aware that cohabiting partners do not automatically have the same legal rights as married spouses. This means you may have fewer claims over shared property or finances after a breakup, so getting legal advice on your specific circumstances is especially important.
Sort Out Practical Arrangements
You will need to turn your attention to the practical aspects of separation. Identify the key matters you and your partner will need to work out. These typically include:
- Children: If you have children, decide where they will live and how much time they’ll spend with each parent. Ensuring stability and minimal disruption for the children is paramount.
- Living arrangements: Consider who will stay in the family home (at least temporarily) and where the other partner will live. You may need to decide whether one of you will move out and, if so, when.
- Finances and property: Take stock of your shared money, assets, and debts. Plan how to divide bank accounts, savings, or investments, and think about how household bills will be paid going forward. You should also discuss how to split personal belongings and any major assets like a house or car.
It’s normal not to have immediate answers for all these points. The goal is to create a roadmap of issues to resolve. Don’t feel pressured into agreeing on something before you’re ready. If the conversation with your partner is too difficult or emotional right now, you can take it step by step or seek professional support to facilitate discussions.
Communication and Mediation
If you both can sit down calmly to discuss the future, try to do so. It’s often cheaper and faster to figure out arrangements between yourselves if you can. Even if you do agree on most points, it’s wise to have a solicitor review any agreement before you sign, to ensure your rights are protected.
When direct communication isn’t working or you need help reaching a compromise, mediation is a highly recommended next step. Family mediation involves an independent mediator who can help you and your ex-partner negotiate agreements about children, money, and property in a neutral setting. Mediation can reduce conflict and legal costs, and it often leads to a more amicable resolution. In fact, in England and Wales you are usually expected to attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) before applying to family court, except in certain circumstances (for example, cases involving domestic abuse). This means that unless your situation is unsafe or otherwise exempt, trying mediation first is both wise and often required. If mediation is successful, you can formalise the agreement through your solicitors; if not, you will at least have clarified the areas of disagreement for the next steps.
Prioritise Your Children’s Welfare
If you have children, their well-being must remain at the forefront of every decision. Divorce or separation is as much a change for them as it is for you. The family court will always put the children’s best interests first in any dispute, it’s their top priority when making decisions. Courts in England and Wales generally believe children should have a meaningful relationship with both parents after separation, as long as it’s safe and in the child’s best interest. Practically speaking, this means you and your partner should aim to create a stable, cooperative plan.
Seek Professional Legal Advice
Finally, don’t hesitate to consult a family law solicitor early in the process. Getting expert advice promptly can clarify your options and prevent costly mistakes. A good solicitor will listen to your situation and explain what steps to take next based on your unique circumstances. They can help you understand your rights (for example, rights to the family home or financial support) and the implications of any decisions you might make now. Importantly, your solicitor can also guide you through any legal procedures, be it filing a divorce application, drafting an agreement to formalise financial terms, or applying to Court to deal with the arrangements for the children. This guidance removes much of the uncertainty and stress, allowing you to focus on your family and future.
At DTM Legal, our Family Law team is here to support you with compassionate, practical advice. We even offer a complimentary 30-minute initial consultation to understand your needs and help steer you through the legal complexities and emotional hurdles of a separation.
Email a member of the team directly or submit an enquiry:
Senior Associate
01244 568635
Senior Associate
colette.blackburn@dtmlegal.com
0151 304 7145
